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In the Year 2000...
ISBN 1573227714 / 9781573227711 / 1-57322-771-4
Publisher Penguin Group (USA) Incorporated
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Straight from Conan O'Brien and the "Late Night" staff, a collection of startling and thought-provoking predictions for... oh, a couple of months from now.
What will happen in the year 2000? Well, according to Conan O'Brien and the other comic geniuses from NBC's "Late Night," robots will do 80% of our houseworkand we will do 90% of theirs. All medical procedures will take 30 minutes or less, as doctors switch to the Domino's Pizza Health Plan. And scientists will discover the secret ingredient in Starbucks coffee: a chemical that makes people forget they are paying $4 for a cup of coffee.
Straight from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" comes a saucy serving of outrageous--yet spookily plausible--predictions, and the last word on how the world may look on the other side of the millennial divide.
Conan O'Brien became the host of "Late Night" in 1993. In the year 2000 he will have to come up with a new sketch.
In The Year 2000...
* Man will sometimes write "1999" on his checks
* Scientists will revive Einstein's brain and keep it alive in a jar; it will become a dee jay
* America's belief in angels will be rewarded when thousands are discovered in a secluded valley; they will taste like veal
* Men will finally discover that the reason women go to the bathroom in pairs...is to make out
* The radio signals scientists have been sending into outer space will finally get a reply. Their simple message: "Less talk, more rock"
* Mark McGuire will become the richest man on earth when he finally learns to tie a string to every ball he hits
* Elizabeth Dole will be elected President, making Bob Dole America's first man--something already verified by fossil records
* A daring and controversial plan to capture Bigfoot will fail when he sends a friend to accept his Oscar for him
* Jesus Christ returns to earth but quickly leaves when he discovers the 55 cent Egg McMuffin deal has expired. [via]