Things are getting hairy for heavyweight present-delivering champion of the world Santa Claus in Mick Foley's Christmas Chaos. The elves are making like South Park miscreants, mooning the boss, talking trash, and watching Raw Is War on TV instead of working. Seven reindeer are having a "schmozz" (free-for-all) against Rudolph, resentful of his song royalties and uppity attitude. Cupid just "nailed poor Rudolph's nose with a People's Hoof," Rudolph threatens to send Santa to jail, and Santa wants to go on strike.
But Mrs. Claus saves the day by calling in those elfin fellows, the World Wrestling Federation Superstars. Santa cheers right up--even though, "for the first time in his life, / A Superstar had mistletoe and tried to kiss his wife." The holiday doggerel by WWF star and bestselling author Mick Foley is fairly amusing, and the colorful illustrations by wrestling announcer Jerry "The King" Lawler are surprisingly good. His Mad-like caricature of Mick captures the man's missing-teeth grin and raffish mien at least as well as Yellow Submarine evoked the Beatles.
Parents, don't fret: the scariest picture is Rudolph with a nosebleed, and all bad language is rendered thus: "bleep bleep." The cruelest line in the book is this: "One child wanted Al Snow's Best Matches, though no such tape existed." Henceforth, we'll all just have to refer to the noted arm-twister turned author as "good saint Mick." --Tim Appelo [via]