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› Find signed collectible books: 'Angels & Monsters: A Child's Eye View of Cancer'
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› Find signed collectible books: 'Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?: The Play-at-home Companion Book to the Hit TV Show!'
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› Find signed collectible books: 'Dirt on My Shirt'
In this hilarious collection of poems, comedian Jeff Foxworthy creates a neighborhood filled with fun, family, friends, and more. Here you'll meet Cousin Lizzy, Uncle Ed and Aunt Foo Foo, cows with horns that don't go beep, dads in sweaters, also sheep. From the thrill of flying to the imaginary planet Woosocket to bonding with a friend over a shared hatred of spinach, these poems capture the very essence of being a kid.
Filled with sly humor and always affectionate, Dirt on My Shirt is sure to delight kids, big and little, everywhere.
[via]
› Find signed collectible books: 'Hick Is Chic: A Guide to Etiquette for the Grossly Unsophisticated'
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› Find signed collectible books: 'How To Really Stink At Golf'
As a longtime golfer, Jeff Foxworthy has learned something important about the grand auld game: Its not who has the highest score, its who has the least fun playing it. And now, in his hilarious primer How to Really Stink at Golf, Foxworthy shares his invaluable tips for a lifetime of horrible drives and putts.
" Get into the right frame of mind to play truly awful golf. Food poisoning or a killer hangover might be just the ticket to a robust three-digit score.
" Try to get to the course promptly at tee time to avoid the hassle of warming up: Youre only gonna hit five good shots in the course of the day; why waste even one on the driving range?
" The surefire way to screw up a great drive? As you walk to the tee, keep telling yourself, Dont screw up your drive. If bad golfs your goal, stress is your best friend.
" Avoid fun. Fun = relaxed = low scores . . . and thats something we want to avoid at all cost. If you have a good hole, shake it off.
" Perhaps the most important element: Embrace the fact that you do stink at golf.
Cheating. Cursing. Avoiding fairways. Reckless cart driving. How to Really Stink at Golf covers it all, from selecting the correct putter to use on a 385-yard drive to prolonging your stay in the sand trap to picking the perfect foursome for spectacularly bad golf (you, your ex-wife, your girlfriend, your wife). With Jeff Foxworthy as your guide, even a scratch golfer can add ten, twenty, maybe thirty strokes to his or her scoreand possibly more if you attempt to play the back nine, too. [via]
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› Find signed collectible books: 'Jeff Foxworthy's Complete Redneck Dictionary'
Theres no such thing as too much redneck. And its easy to understand why. A veritable gumbo of indigenous ingenuity, this deliciously distinct dialect rolls off the tongue like drool in the presence of a barbecue sandwich. Now, just in time for no time in particular, Jeff Foxworthys three bestsellers are rolled into one hilarious redneck reference. This practical, portable A-to-Z crash course will have you laughing and learning your way to flawless southern slang. Say after me:
bay " ou (bi´-ü), v. and n. to purchase for another. I just walked right up to her and said, Hey darlin, lemme bayou a drink.
doo " dle (düd´-el), n. and v. a male person and his predicted actions. Dont even look at him, cuz that doodle kill you.
tor " toise (tort´-es), v. and n. to have imparted knowledge or wisdom to a group. That stupid teacher never tortoise nothin.
Whether youre a newbie looking to connect with your inner redneck or a seasoned pro hoping to sharpen your skills, The Complete Redneck Dictionary is the only reference youll ever need. Picking up Redneck (and this book) has never been easier. [via]
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› Find signed collectible books: 'Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary 2'
Clearly one redneck dictionary was not enough. And its no wonder. The South is positively bursting at the seams with colorful words and turns of phrases in this distinct dialect. Now men and women from all across this great land can further fine-tune their fluency and showcase their confidence when speaking to folks who hail from below the Mason-Dixon line. Need a crash course in this truly inspired lingo? Well, Jeff Foxworthys Redneck Dictionary II puts the vern in vernacular, offering up a veritable gumbo of must-be-known selections:
infamy (infe-mé) adv. and n. another persons intent to exact physical punishment. Ever since I stole his girlfriend, Bobbys had it infamy.
assassin (e-sas-en) v. to disrespect verbally. Dont just stand there assassin me, boygo clean your room!
honor student (än-er stu-dent) prep. and n. to be positioned over, and supported by, a pupil. Yeah, I knew piano lessons after midnight was weird, but I still didnt suspect nothin till I caught her honor student.
So open your ears and activate your funny bone with this hilarious, practical, and playfully illustrated reference. Its like having your very own personal dialect coachone who doesnt mind getting picked up and read and laughed at and passed along to friends.
From the Hardcover edition. [via]
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› Find signed collectible books: 'Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary 3: Learning to Talk More Gooder Fastly'
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› Find signed collectible books: 'Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary: Words You Thought You Knew The Meaning Of'
Hey, you! The one holding the book. Have you ever seen a volume like this? Well, whether you realize it or not, its the one youve been waiting for. Jeff Foxworthys Redneck Dictionary will teach you how to speak this unique Southern dialect fluently. Whether youre blue-collar or hoity-toity, swimming in cash or betting your bottom dollar, a little bit country or a lot of city slicker, this practical reference to redneck words and turns of phrases will give you hours of laughs.
So expand your horizons and learn another language with this fun, instructive, and hilariously illustrated book as your guide. After all, speaking redneck is a heck of a lot easier than speaking French!
From the Hardcover edition. [via]
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› Find signed collectible books: 'Jeff Foxworthy's You Might Be A Redneck If... 2006 Calendar'
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› Find signed collectible books: 'Jeff Foxworthy's You Might Be a Redneck If...2005 Calendar'
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› Find signed collectible books: 'Jeff Foxworthy's You Might Be a Redneck If...2007 Calendar'
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› Find signed collectible books: 'No Shirt. No Shoes....No Problem!'
Americas favourite Southern-fried, stand-up comedian and TV sitcom star Jeff Foxworthy brings his humor to the page in this riotous laugh-out-loud book. In No Shirt. No Shoes. No Problem!, Foxworthy examines the hilarity of growing up, love, sex, crazy families, roommates, friendship, mooning, having a crush on your cousin, and the real stories behind many of his favourite Redneck jokes. So get readyYoure in for a helluva good time! [via]
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› Find signed collectible books: 'There's No Place Like (a Mobile) Home For The Holidays'
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› Find signed collectible books: 'You Might Be a Redneck If...'
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› Find signed collectible books: 'You Might Be A Redneck If...This Is The Biggest Book You've Ever Read'
Foxworthy's runaway bestseller, with more than one million copies in print. [via]
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